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Met someone interesting online? Here’s how to tell whether a long-term relationship is in your future…
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By Jennifer Benjamin
 o you’ve met someone online. This person seems fine… but you’re not sure. Should you go on a date? Will the two of you be in sync? You’re just not sure whether you have enough info to go on…
Well, here’s something to consider: Those initial emails with a new person are actually loaded with information that can help you decide, ahead of time, whether he or she is |  | | Does the person keep your communication momentum going? Excellent! |
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worth going on a first date with. You just have to know how to read the signs. Here, we break down the clues — both positive and negative — that will tell you if a potential date deserves a chance or if you should move on to those other interesting people turning up in your search results.
The positive signs
#1: The other person keeps the momentum going
With so much going on in our busy lives, it’s easy to get distracted or lose interest. That’s why it’s so refreshing to make contact with someone who actually returns emails, calls when they say they will, and keeps their word. “When it comes to those first interactions, consistency is huge,” says Yvonne Thomas, Los Angeles-based psychologist, specializing in relationships and self-esteem (www.yvonnethomasphd.com). “A man or woman who maintains the connection with you and keeps the momentum going until you meet, is going to be reliable, considerate, and responsible.”
#2: The other person knows the value of a phone call
When you’ve been chatting with someone online, it often feels easiest just to ask him or her out via keypad. But the person who calls you to chat, or asks you out over the phone, rather than by email or text, is probably mature enough to understand that some traditional courting rules should still apply. “Rather than fall back on lazy dating habits, a person who phones sees the value in treating others with respect,” explains David Wygant, dating expert on www.davidwygant.com. “Also, just the fact that a person is calling indicates that he or she wants to get to know you better” and have a better sense of who you are, what you sound like… and what makes you tick.
#3: This person pays attention to details
Between the puplover212’s and the dirtydog415’s out there, it’s tough to keep track of all the people you’re talking to online. So isn’t it nice when someone you’ve been chatting with is able to reference in a later conversation your love of Cap’n Crunch or old movies? “When a person remembers the things you’ve spoken about, it shows that he or she has been listening and paying attention to you,” says Thomas. “Not only does it indicate the person’s interest, but it’s also a sign of someone who will be a giving partner.” Even if you don’t think he or she is your physical type or worry that you two don’t have enough in common, give ’em a chance. There’s some good stuff there!
And the not-so-positive signs…
#1: They keep rescheduling
Hey, we’re all busy, but there’s no excuse for canceling a date more than once. “If someone keeps pushing the date off, then they’re not sure they’re going to be attracted to you and clearly not all that psyched about meeting you,” warns Wygant. “You should meet within a week of | | | If a person ignores basic questions you asked in your email, that’s not a good sign. | |
contact—otherwise, you’re not high on their list of people to date.” Obviously, some things are unavoidable—like if he is going away on vacation or one of her children got sick—but in general, if they can’t stick to a date, they’re not worth the trouble.
#2: They’re too eager
While you obviously want a potential mate to show interest, a man or woman who is too pushy about meeting you can be a little creepy. “Some people force intimacy and relationships really quickly,” says Thomas. “A person who wants to meet the very next day, gives a lot of compliments, or asks too many personal questions before the first date may be needy.” Or caught up in the fantasy of who they think you are and the great relationship you two are bound to have. Keep in mind that those people who get hot and heavy right away tend to fizzle out just as fast. If you do decide to date this kind of person, be sure to maintain some boundaries. Know that you don’t have to go along with everything the person suggests just because you don’t want to hurt his or her feelings.
#3: They evade questions
During your initial email exchanges, you obviously don’t want to bombard the other person with questions. Still, you should be able to get some basic queries answered. “If you’re asking straightforward, not-too-personal things like if he or she lives alone, has children, or what kind of work they do, and they keep ignoring the questions, that’s a really bad sign,” warns Bev Bacon, author of Meet Me, Don’t Delete Me. “It’s not like they didn’t see your question—they’re avoiding answering it, which shows that they may be closed-off and secretive, or that they’re hiding something.” You’ll save yourself time, energy and possibly some heartache if you recognize the signs before you get in too deep.
Jennifer Benjamin has written for Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Allure and The Nest.
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What’s your favorite way to spend Valentine’s Day? |
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69% |
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Dinner date with my sweetie |
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9% |
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Night out with friends |
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22% |
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Takeout & cable TV |
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